I have been pretty low and pretty lost at times and I don't mean in the distant past. But I have felt the abiding presence of God deep in my heart. His realness somehow always remains.
I don't look to or depend on the action or actions of any other person to weigh whether my faith is real..
Not letting the actions of another drive me or disappoint me away from Jesus. It is Just Him and me. He is the only one I don't have to pretend for! He has truly been the only one who meets me where I am..including in doubt, depression, anger, self hate and all the other strange mental places I at times find myself in...I don't love and appreciate Him for making times good for me..I love and appreciate him because he helps me when times are not good whether real or imagined..
I have to have what is real..I hate pretending....I can't abide things I don't believe..
I have Jesus and I don't pretend for Him
Psa 139:11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—
Psa 139:12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You.